You’ve read how successful people brush off rejection easily and yet when you’re rejected times and again, you wonder if you should even try anymore. You’ll start wondering what is the best way of dealing with rejection or if there’s anything left with your self-esteem to make another attempt.
Whether you’re being rejected by your crush whom you finally found the courage to ask for a date or rejected for the 20th time in your job interview, do not give up yet. I’ve been in your shoe and I can assure you that there is a way to manage rejections constructively.
Rejection hurts. Period. It’s common to feel anger, frustration, regrets, and doubt when you’re being told “No” over and over again. Getting your hope raised and having it crush will destroy whatever confident you have left. Getting your hopes up and having it dropped down like a rock is enough to destroy any confidence that’s left.
While getting rejected hurts, it’s important that you do not escape into denial. Instead, you have to face the feelings right on and let them wash over you. Acknowledging that you’re hurt is not a sign of weakness. Nor does it means you’re giving up. It shows that you’re a perfectly normal human after all.
I hate to put it this way, but chances are unless you’ve made drastic improvements in a short period, you may get yourself disappointed again on the next try. And there’s still plenty of rejections to face in your life even if you ended up wildly successful.
It’s important that you reframe your thoughts so that you can bounce back faster, mentally and emotionally, the next time someone said “No” to you. If someone turned you down for a date, don’t think “It’s something wrong with me“. Instead, reframe your thoughts to “She might be busy” or “It’s just bad timing“.
Regardless of job hunting or starting a relationship, the factors that lead to rejection at this moment of time will change in the coming future. So, tweak your thoughts and keep your hope up. It helps to soften the blow to your ego.
When you’ve tended to your feelings, it’s time to take a good look at your own limitations. If you’re looking for a job and failed 20 times in the interview, it wouldn’t hurt to call a couple of interviewers to find out what you can improve tremendously before you make an attempt.
The same happens in a relationship. Our shortcomings are often our blindspot. While it may not be a wise move to ask why you’re being turned down for a date, get feedback from your other friends of opposite gender for a reality check.
Do not let your ego tricks you to think that you’re perfect. You’ll end up stuck to where you are if you’re too proud to admit your weaknesses. And you can’t improve anything that you don’t regard as lacking.
If you need to develop a six-pack ab to get a date then, by all means, do it, if dating that particular girl is your ultimate goal in life. Learn to speak in Korean if it’s what it takes to get your dream job. The point is, you have to start taking action to improve yourself.
You can do all the homework of acceptance and reframe your thoughts, but you’ve bound for the same disappointment again if you stay idle. With that said, it’s important that you set your expectations right. Massive improvement doesn’t happen overnight. It takes perseverance and consistency to make it happen.
You need to prepare yourself mentally before you make your next attempt. You shouldn’t let pass failure to define your next attempt. But sometimes bad experiences are stuck in your subconscious mind and influence your coming actions.
Techniques like hypnosis can stop you from listening to your own negative self-talk. Besides that, it can give your self-esteem a boost. I personally use this hypnosis for social phobia to increase my self-confidence when I’m feeling down.
You just can’t make your next attempt with a defeatist mindset. Even if there’s a possibility of failure, you should hope to succeed. A well-conditioned mind can greatly affect the outcome.
When you’re well-prepared mentally and emotionally, try again by doing something different. It’s insane to expect to get positive results if you stick to your old ways of doing things. The same applies to asking your girl out again. Even if you are rejected the first time, the result may turn in your favor the second, if you are hitting the right buttons.
If you’re sending an email requesting a job interview, do something different than the mundane cover letter that everyone uses. Amaze your interviewer with questions about their company, as it indicates your interest and you’ve done your homework before contacting them.
The easy way out is to quit and admit defeat. The harder but one that will eventually bear fruits is to repeat the above process again. Dealing with rejections is not a technique that you can master overnight. Sometimes, it takes multiple rejections before you’re successful at something.
It’s a continuous process that you have to repeat and it will get easier as you develop stronger self-esteem. You’ll end up wiser by learning from why you’re being rejected. What you need to have in mind is that being rejected is not a failure. Nor does it decrease any of your self-worth.
Instead, use rejection to power your effort to achieving success.
What’s your experience with rejection? Do you feel like giving up? Or did you use rejections to fuel your eventual success? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
I am an engineer-turned-writer who once struggle with social anxiety. After overcoming problems inflicted by low self-esteem and the fear of interaction, I realize the need for taking a holistic approach in developing our mind. I'm sharing my experience, remedies, and techniques that interest me in my quest to be a better self.
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