“Grief is not a sign of weakness or lack of faith… It is the price of love” – Unknown
And yet it is sometimes too steep a price to pay for love. Yet pay we must when those we loved are lost to us. Grief descended upon us as we suffer emotionally and mentally in a loss of relationships, loss of financial stability, career failure, and the most excruciating grief when we lose a loved one. An evitable process as we journeyed through life. And unlike many other things, it is not easy to deal with grief even as we get older.
We are numb to the pain when the loss first hit us. The mind shields itself as we stepped into denial. But perhaps this is the only way to keep our sanity intact. Buying time for the mind to fortify itself, a much-needed process when we are to face the reality later on. And as the reality trickled in, we start bargaining with life and with ourselves. We hurled questions of “what-if’s” and soon descends into a spiral of self-blame, guilt, and regrets on the things that we could have done.
And then the emotional wall collapsed, plunging us into anguish and despair as we struggled to come to term with our loss. Grief incapacitates us emotionally, rendering us to a shadow of ourselves as we struggled through each and every day. Eventually, through all the anguish and mental suffering, we come to full acceptance and start making peace with ourselves.
It is not an easy process to go through, as people struggling with grief could go into depression without even realizing. If you found yourself dealing with the aftermath of a loss, facing the excruciating pain, regrets, and self-blame. Know that all these will pass. That it may never be the same again, but it is possible for life to go back to a new normal. The journey may not be easy.
Here are some guides I hope to share, in the hope that it can help to deal with grief and ease the suffering.
It is important that you allow yourself time to grieve. It is also important that you acknowledge that grieving is not a sign of weakness. Grieving is a natural process to heal from the loss you suffered.
Allow yourself to tend to the turmoil of emotions caused by the loss. Know that this is necessary for you to move forward. It is normal to want to hold on to the memories, to linger in the emotions and pain in the hope that it would make you feel better. It does to a certain extent but when you linger in this state longer than it’s warranted, it becomes detrimental to your recovery.
There is no predefined duration of how long you should grief. But there will be a time that you would need to decide to move on, as difficult as it is. The loss is akin to having an emotional wound. With time, it will heal, leaving nothing but a scar. But to allow this healing to happen, it is necessary for you to take your focus elsewhere. If you keep rubbing the wound, it would never recover. Do try to start a new routine, taking up new hobbies, enroll in new clubs and societies. You should get yourself busy as it is not healthy to keep pondering on the loss.
While you may prefer some time alone going through the motions, having a few friends for emotional support is good to keep you balanced. It is easier to get through by voicing your feelings out. It is a process of coming to terms to the reality of the loss. Positive supportive friends give you the energy you needed, to prepare for what lies ahead, and any changes that would inadvertently come. But the support from your friends is only as effective as the effort and determination that you put to lift yourself up.
In griefing, your mind could be in a turmoil of anxiety, guilt, regret, blame, anger, and stress driving the peace out of you. In some cases, it is possible for you to slide into depression without being aware of. It is best to try some mind-calming techniques, relaxing meditation music or guided meditation to bring some peace to a suffering mind.
I suppose the question is that after all being said and done, would life be ever the same? When you’ve come to total acceptance and be at peace, the pain will subside. But what once was will be a treasured memory in your heart.
I am an engineer-turned-writer who once struggle with social anxiety. After overcoming problems inflicted by low self-esteem and the fear of interaction, I realize the need for taking a holistic approach in developing our mind. I'm sharing my experience, remedies, and techniques that interest me in my quest to be a better self.
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